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Silent Saga 2019: Remember that time I went 24 hours without talking?


Before

As I sit here on my bed at 5:33 pm Saturday Evening,

I am about to embark on a full 24 hours of silence.

I'm talking, no TV, no music, no speaking to others, no social media, no phone usage period. Just me. Alone. (Oh and my cat) for 24 Hours of solitude that I am calling the

Silent Saga 2019

I wanted to document this process as I have no idea why I am truly doing this other than I felt very compelled to disconnect. I have no clue what will come of this, if anything other that rest.

But currently, I am feeling at peace.

Slightly stressed financially, and romantically frustrated as I feel I am ready for love but every signal the universe keeps sending me says " No, bitch. You're not, nice try."

This week I have had this overwhelming sense of anxiety. Which is rare, as I usually don't experience it very often any more. However when I do, it has everything to do with money. This was an extremely slow week at work, and as someone in the beauty industry when I am slow, so is the rising in my bank account.

Money feels like security to me.

Mostly because I have never had an abundant amount of It.

But growing up I always believed those who had money, had power,

and you needed power to make a difference in this world.

I feel like thats still relevant but my definition of power has changed

and it no longer is connected to money entirely.

I believe that our power resides within us, not our wallets.

I believe that our wallets allow us to touch more beings in this life,

but that they don't make or break our experiences in this life.

I have also been confronting situations about that romance frustration I mentioned above. April is just an energetic force for me. It's not only the month my Gran was born, but its also the month two years ago I decided to leave my husband. And now, here it is April again, and this is the month we finally got our shit together and will be filing for divorce. Closing the door on our chapter as lovers and continuing a new one as Hadley's parents (our 4 year old daughter).

There's even a man I feel with my entire soul I am destined to be with, but the stars have yet to align and as I know better, I feel like time is running out and I kept trying to control the outcomes. This 24 hours of silence, I hope allows me to fully surrender to the idea of having to have it all figured out and that if it isn't HIM it will be someone better.

So, as the clock strikes 6 and all I can hear are the cars passing on the freeway behind my apartment, I leave you with this

"Silence is essential.

We need silence just as much as we need air,

Just as much as plants need light.

If our minds are crowded with words and thoughts, there is no space for us."

After

"Silence is not absence but presence"

First things first, silence is actually rather loud.

This weekend made me realize all the daily things I take for granted.

I live downtown near the city and am directly beside a train track and freeway exit ramp.

The first things I noticed in the silence were the cars passing, the birds chirping, the trains coming in the distance. I could hear the water flowing through the pipes of my apartment complex. I heard every move my cat made and every word he spoke.

I heard my own breathing, the way my pen sounded pressed against paper as I documented and journaled everything. I loved the way my books sounded as I turned each page.

This whole experience really just put my entire life on pause.

It was a much needed time out.

I did things like read, write, pull oracle and tarot cards.

I charged my crystals. I cleaned. I meditated. I stretched.

I colored, I painted a dresser, and spent time at a park.

I game planned my businesses. I masterbated and slept.

Falling asleep was the hardest part.

It took quite a lot of will power to no turn the TV on or to scroll through social media.

It was definitely an eye opener on how much I depend on these two devices. So one thing Im going to start doing is eliminate electronics one night a week, for now. Hopefully I can increase it over time. Baby steps bitches haha.