Dating Vol. 2: Ghosted
Ghost Mode. I don't even know who to blame or where the hell this trend came from.
I mentioned it in my last blog. It peaked a lot of interest. So here I am again.
Call me Taylor Swift, or whatever you want but this summer did me dirty and I feel like I'm officially the queen of getting ghosted. #evenbyhighschoolbfs
As I sit here, listening to a podcast (my new obsession, ask me and I will go on and on about my top 3 fav's you need to listen to) and drinking my second coffee of the day while my toddler sleeps... I am going to kick my feet up + just get REAL with you all for a moment.
Let's recap. Urban dictionary describes it best.
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels
So basically they are immature and pieces of shit.
I have come to the conclusion that any one who
ghosts you was never worthy of even knowing you.
I think that ghosting actually hurts more than just being blunt and telling me "Hey, ya don't do it for me anymore" (Right Demi Lovato?) It's as simple as that.
I am a grown woman in my late twenties. I have yes, been out of the game for some time but I can handle rejection. If were being blunt, and I am in a very blunt mood... I've been rejected by every man aside from my step father, my entire life. So I can handle my fair share of rejection texts. So don't save me your sorrows. And man the F up.
These "men" & "women" , because lets not be sexiest...I am sure that there are some ladies out there doing their fair share of ghosting. But these hood rats are actually saying more about their character than they are yours. Do not confuse their actions with your self worth.
They are scared. They are selfish. They are not good at communicating. They are weak and not worthy. Those aren't the type of qualities you want in a companion. Period.
The few times (by few I mean 5 times) I was ghosted this summer, it left me heartbroken. Even if only for a moment. It hurts. It sucks. It totally takes a toll on your self esteem. You start to wonder if all the guys you dated have now formed a cult and are chanting and plotting against you. Because you clearly didn't get the memo that ghosting was how you are supposed to end potential relationships now days.
However the more times something happens to you in life, the more of a back bone you build.
I am to the point where my dating mentally has become "I'm ready to be chased and not the one doing the chasing". I can't recall one man in my life who chased after me. Clearly, while they are no longer in my life. One of my clients once told me that the best advice she ever got was to marry someone who loves you more than you love them. I may not be able to agree with that theory completely. I want to be equally obsessed with my significant other as they are with me but there is something to it. I guess what it said to me was don't settle for someone who doesn't love you enough.
You deserve "Good morning beautiful" texts and not late night "what are you up to, wanna chill" texts. Yes, you deserve to be romanced, like the movies show and the country songs sing. Everyone deserves a love like Thomas Rhett and his wife Laura. Although these may give us unrealistic expectations, we still desire them.
I feel, being human, we are known for settling. We settle on jobs, we settle on our bodies, we settle on our partners. We are lazy and want convenience. We don't like being alone. We don't want to put the work in. We have high expectations and low standards.
Let's raise the bar.
I think that more people need to turn to the universe (God) when it comes to dating and seeking love. I will be the first to admit, this summer I didn't practice this one bit. I thought I was gonna kill the dating scene as a semi successful business owner, strong independent woman, who has a beautiful baby girl making me a slayin' single mother.
This was clearly not the case.
I think this summer I followed my want to fill a void more than my needs to.
I want so bad to feel loved. Be appreciated. Have a little romance in my life.
However given that fact that Jason Aldean is happily married to THE most perfect woman ever, I can see why I'm still single haha. But as the seasons change, as is my dating approach.
Like I mentioned in my last post, I'm going to spend time on myself.
Finding myself, loving myself. Take a break from dating and seeking out someone else.
Now if the universe hands me a man on that silver platter finally, I will gladly accept (just like I would at the rose ceremony on The Bachelor)
But while I am working on me, I'm also going to do some manifesting for my future. It never hurts to be proactive. I have actually began reading this book called "31 prayers for my future husband" there is a wife version for you fella's too.
Each page is a separate prayer. Even if you are not a super "religious" person, this is a great read as it keeps your eyes on the prize. The grand prize. But in the sense of each page painting the picture of the perfect husband with all the qualities you should be looking for in a partner. It's a constant reminder of why you shouldn't settle and why these casper ass holes don't matter.
So you do you BOO (pun intended) and the next time you find your self ghosted, and you aren't feeling very mature at the moment go ahead and do what I did a time or two and send his ass a novel about how you hope the woman of his dreams ghost him, maybe even at the alter someday hahaha.
So remember, thoughts become things- choose wisely.