Solo Sex Shame
As a stylist, blogger and influencer myself, I have an obsession with being authentic and surrounding my self with authentic people. However sometimes being authentic isn't the cool thing to do. It actually puts me in a vulnerable state 80% of the time.
I have been on a very deep personal soul searching journey the last few months. During this process I have shed layers of friends, clients, and acquaintances due to being "too" authentic. I talk about taboo things, and I'm always a little to open for some. And that's okay. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me.
But you know what is for everyone, sex.
I think as women we quickly get labeled as sluts or whores when we talk about sex publicly, instead of being gathered around some chips and guac with our girls privately.
Sex has always been a high on my love languages radar, showing up as personal touch. Its something I need in a relationship to feel wanted. Intimacy is big for me, as it is for most.
However I have thought a lot more about sex since I have been separated from my husband the last year. The lack there of really makes you realize how quickly we take it for granted. Something else I have taken for granted over the years is sex with myself.
Yup. I said it, and yup, thats where I am going with this. So get over it, yourself and the stigma that surrounds master bating in todays day and age.
I think its something that is not talked about enough.
I think its something we as women don't even allow ourselves to explore enough.
I think history, religion, and generations before us have really limited some of our beliefs and created stories that we now tell ourselves and believe about master bating.
If you ask me its the only way you are going to discover what YOU like
in order to tell a partner.
I am fortunate to currently have a circle of friends whom I feel confident and comfortable talking to them about topics like this with. In the past I have been surrounded by women who would give me the side when the topic would come up, or would swear they never did. (I call BULLSHIT)
I always felt so much shame around the conversations and found myself leaving, feeling a little sluty myself. Like am I not supposed to be doing that? Am I wrong for enjoying it?
I think us women are mostly to blame for all the shame and self doubt we cause each other. We all judge others, even if subconsciously. I think there is a difference between judging and pointing fingers at others, than judging and pointing fingers at ourselves and taking ownership for our actions.
It took many years to feel comfortable in my own skin, and a lot of self discovery to realize I am worthy of whatever it is my heart desires. Even if thats some solo sex some evenings. So all be damned if I'm going to let society, mean girls, and a stigma around pleasing myself keep me from doing it let alone talk about it.
In my blog & podcast Her Mind Matters, I am constantly talking about the untalkable and I am not going to stop now. Society today needs to bridge a gap between things as simple as this, and mental health. As someone who has suffered from it myself I have now related a lot of my own issues back to not being able to talk about them. I think thats why I'm so open about everything now, maybe even too open for some.
So now that some solo sex is on your mind, and I have started the conversation I encourage you to continue it with some girlfriends, share this blog if it touches you, and then maybe go touch yourself tonight ;)
In closing, I just want you to remember that thoughts become things (even the ones we keep to ourselves) so choose your thoughts wisely.
Photo by Marcy Harris Ortiz
Her Mind Matters